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Liberate Awareness from Ownership

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With the horrific weather anomalies and natural disasters currently happening across the globe, it moved my attention towards all the challenges these Souls are being forced to accept in working with these situations and the subsequent effect it has on their lives.

All the energy spent on worrying, fear, preparation, planning, recovery, and rebuilding in order to protect life and objects. My heart goes out to everyone who is struggling because of this. The obstacles and challenges in life are an integral part of the journey itself and are needed in order to force us to grow in our awareness, our love, our wisdom and our power.

The observation of these recent events led to a feeling inside my heart. This sensation, once fully clothed with empathy, compassion, and the gentle guide of wisdom gives rise to inspiration in the form of a single thought… the concept of ownership.

What is it that we actually own?

Certainly, not our possessions.

We don’t take them with us when we exit this concept of “life” so at best they are on loan, temporarily. Maybe all physical goods just represent the result of our misdirected attention being placed on the illusory sensory realm or the “outside” world, the realm of the five senses.

If we accept that we don’t ever own any material goods maybe that would free us from worry and concern over them and allow us to simply partake of the temporary sensory experience of them without attachment via ownership. Maybe we would see all physical goods in a different light with this understanding.

What about ownership in regards to our friendships and family?

Relationships are a two-way street so having expectations of someone’s behavior, acceptance, attention, love, or interest is not up to us, so all seemingly external interactions with others, even family and friends, are fickle. That does not fit the concept of ownership.

How about our thoughts? Surely we own those.

No, we experience thoughts, only momentarily, which consist of the trillions of desires left behind by those who have come before us, including our own incarnations, as the collective consciousness. These desires are electrical impulses perceived and translated by our mind into what we experience as thoughts that randomly pop in and out of our head whenever we place our attention in our head.

Ownership, no, not with thoughts. Most people would say they can’t control the thoughts that pop into their head so ownership is not accurate when it comes to thoughts.

What about our emotions?

There has never been a single emotion that you have ever experienced that you can somehow claim ownership of. And whatever emotion you may be feeling currently, or have felt previously, will eventually fade away, just like the thoughts that pop in and out of your head. This is not ownership.

How about our actions?

It seems the Law of Cause and Effect is in play here, but not ownership.

Essentially, whatever is set in motion that is not Love must return to its origination point in order to experience its effect. Consciousness is ultimately responsible for everything it emanates, be it thought, emotion or action but there is no ownership there.

This holy trifecta of thought, emotion and action are specific filters or avenues in which consciousness can experience itself reflected back to itself through the illusory “outside” world. What you put out, you get back has been said before in many ways by many people since the dawn of time.

What about owning our individual bodies?

If we took it with us when we exit this physical experience, then definitely, but we don’t so there can be no claim of ownership with the body either. Temporary use, yes, but not ownership.

There doesn’t seem to be any real ownership with goods, thoughts, emotions, actions or the body.

What about experiences themselves?

There is “something” that sits just to the left of your heart, right in the center of your chest. Call it a Soul or Sentience or Awareness or Consciousness, that seems to author through free will and witnesses through comprehension the experiences of your life, but you cant claim ownership to experiences simply because you participated or retain a remembrance.

Your memory fades too, doesn’t it?

Everything, eventually, just seems to disappear. The past is gone and cannot be experienced again. The present is perpetually slipping into the past and will be lost within the mists of time. Nobody owns the future since it isn’t here yet and once the future arrives, it will only momentarily be the present, which immediately slips into the past. There is no ownership there either.

It seems as if there is no such thing as lasting or real ownership of anything. There is consciousness or awareness experiencing itself but this does not imply ownership only experience and potential comprehension.

If this is so, why and what are we destroying ourselves and each other over in order to perpetuate or protect?

The false ownership of a separate, fake identity or the Ego and its misguided claims of ownership. This identity, which essentially is made up of a series of random thoughts, experiences and emotions that we decided to identify with and turn them into beliefs and a separate self (identity); a limited belief of who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves.

We don’t own those beliefs or false identities but rather we experience them reflected back to us and yet we will defend and protect them no matter what the cost.

Why? Because the mind/ego tells us, through the influence of the sensory realm, that we must exist as a separate entity, and all these thoughts, goods, my body, emotions and experiences define me, in fact, they are me. They have to be me and mine. Because if I don’t own them, and if they are not me, then who am I?

Ask yourself that very question. See what answer you get.

Don’t tell yourself a story or reel off a resume, demand to know, “Who am I?”

The mind will have absolutely no answer. It’s because there is no who. There is no separate identity.

There is only one Spirit moving through us all, God/Source. Surrender to this truth and return to your immortality as you experience this temporary life. This conscious knowingness that we are One is inevitable and is our ancient future once again.

The moment you live your life this way, you will experience true Freedom and Joy. The liberation from the empty concept of self and ownership perpetuated by the false identity or Egoic mind is enlightened consciousness itself.

Step out of that shadow forever, your self imposed prison and into the Light.

The very Light of Source that emanates from your heart and onto the screen of life that is consciousness itself.

There is no ownership because ownership implies separation and there is only The One expressing itself as the many.

Forget, past, present and future. They are concepts of the mind, products of finite consciousness within the limited sensory realm.

There is only here and now. Its where time and space meet and cancel each other out. Where infinite consciousness experiences itself, reflected back to itself, through the cosmic play of existence itself.

And YOU are THAT and YOU are FREE if you would only know it in your heart.

Place your attention on the center of your chest. Stay right there. And just let go…

Love to you all, always. Om.

Namaste,

RJ Spina


RJ Spina has healed himself from lethal infection, permanent paralysis and debilitating diseases. He takes absolutely no medications and teaches others how to become self realized and restore their health.

 

 

 

 

Image courtesy of Jim Jackson.

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How to Set your Holiday Table for Joy Rather than with Shame and Guilt

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“The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” ~ Pema Chodron

Fall is here!

And with Fall comes the ‘Feeding Frenzy.’

Beginning with Halloween, we find ourselves on the precipice of what can be a very challenging time for many of us: the holiday season. Those big bowls of leftover trick-or-treating candy. Thanksgiving pies and stuffing. Christmas parties with cookies and Jell-O molds. Decadent New Year’s meals. It can feel like an endless bombardment of temptation!

Now, there is nothing wrong with indulging in traditional food to celebrate with family and friends.

With the constant presence of processed foods, however, it feels more like getting swept up in a tsunami than making the choice to dip our toes in the water.

The good news is that we don’t have to drown in this sea of food. Moving into this season with a game plan helps us remember that we always have a choice about what we put into our bodies.

Every good choice we make – whether it is to pass up a brownie or to enjoy a favorite cookie with a loved one – is an act of self-love.

My student Kris shared the following strategy with me, and I want to pass it along to all of you who are looking for guidance over the next few months. I am constantly amazed by the incredible efforts of my students, and I’m honored by their willingness to share their struggles and successes with me.

Thank you, Kris!

The No-Dessert Family Challenge

Over the past six months, I have been working to eliminate sweets from my diet. I feel so much better, more alert, calmer, and happier when I don’t eat sweets. Consequently, I started thinking about how I could wean the rest of my family off of sweets, including my two sons, ages 7 and 10. We had instituted a “one dessert per day” policy in our family years ago, so that once-a-day treat was deeply ingrained in my boys. I feared that changing this routine would result in huge push-back and lots of complaints from the boys. 

When talking with my amazing coach, Laura Fenamore, she suggested that I present this change as an adventure or a challenge to my family. After consulting with my husband (who bought into the idea immediately), we decided to present it as a family challenge with some rewards to be earned. The boys (and my husband!) really wanted a couple of video game accessories, so we decided to use those as rewards for the end of the first and second week of the challenge. The reward for the end of the first month was to go to either a trampoline arena or a water park. 

With these rewards in our back pocket, as well as some research facts about the effects of sugar on our bodies (for my 10-year-old budding scientist), my husband and I presented the family challenge to our boys in an upbeat, excited tone. The boys bought in immediately! They did have some questions (what about birthday parties and other special occasions?), but otherwise they were eager to take on the challenge. They even asked, if we succeeded for a whole year, if we could take a cruise to Alaska!  (I didn’t see that coming!)

We are three weeks into the challenge, and the boys have only mentioned missing desserts twice.  (This is shocking to me!)  One of the interesting and unexpected outcomes of this change is how much more healthy food the boys are eating.  I hadn’t realized that, without dessert, the boys would eat more good food. It feels great to know that they are getting so much more nutritious food in them! 

It’s been a great learning experience to see that approaching changes in our family with a sense of adventure and challenge can produce such amazing results!

You can choose! You have a choice!

I love how Kris handled this situation. First of all, she set clear limits that were easy to follow (no dessert). She was able to involve the whole family, which not only makes it easier for her to stay on track, but also improves the health of her loved ones. She substituted non-food rewards as a way to practice self-love. And she also allowed for select special occasions, like parties, when she and her family could choose to have sweets.

Don’t worry – I’m not suggesting you NEVER eat dessert again.

Take whatever pieces of this approach work for your unique needs.

Having a plan of action, whatever it is, will help you take back your power during these trying months. Feeling in control will help you approach any party or holiday dinner with your self-care and self-love in mind!

CAUTION: Deprivation generally leads to backsliding. If eating healthier leaves you feeling deprived, get creative.

Find ways to feel like you’re still treating yourself. If cutting sweets out entirely feels like a prison sentence, set yourself limits and boundaries. And always remember – these choices are in service of your health and your best self.

I welcome your feedback and questions and wish you a fall and holiday season that is joyful and guilt-free!


Laura Fenamore, Body Image Expert, Coach and acclaimed Author is on a mission to help women around the world end the constant battle with their bodies and start adoring who they see in the mirror. Her approach walks students and readers through the heartfelt journey to self-love at any size or age by unlocking the secrets to a lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual health. After overcoming a lifelong battle with addiction, obesity, and eating disorders, Laura released 100 pounds – keeping it off for more than 28 years. She chronicles this journey to self-love and health in her widely acclaimed book, Skinny, Fat, Perfect: Love Who You See in the Mirror. Learn more about Laura’s programs, or invite her to speak by visiting SkinnyFatPertect.com.


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How to Draw Boundaries for Empaths

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Do you put everyone’s needs and feelings before your own? So much so, that you find it nearly impossible to draw comfortable boundaries in your relationships or are you afraid that if you do say no or assert your wishes, that you might be jeopardizing the relationship?

Have you ever considered that part of the problem might be the fact that you were never taught how to draw effective boundaries and when you couple that with being a highly sensitive person, you get A BOUNDARY DISASTER?

In this week’s Real Love Revolution episode, I’m talking to all my sensitive folks – the empaths, the highly sensitive people and codependents, about drawing boundaries and why it’s so difficult for you to do so. Being in tune with other people’s feelings, desires and wants, creates an even greater challenge when trying to create clean, clear boundaries.

In this week’s video, I cover:

  • Defining different types of boundaries
  • Why it’s difficult for empaths and codependents to set boundaries
  • How to effectively begin boundary setting
  • What good boundaries look like

 

Let’s go over some little known (but important) information: types of boundaries.

We obviously have physical boundaries, which are easy to distinguish: cars, objects, and material possessions. So essentially there is an unexpressed boundary around our toothbrushes, in that we expect that no one else will use our toothbrush. Boundaries can also be personal space, privacy, and your body. Some people don’t like to hug, that’s a boundary. Mental boundaries are your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Other boundaries include emotional boundaries, sexual boundaries and spiritual boundaries, all of which I discuss in this week’s video. The point, which is difficult for empaths and codependents to understand, is that you have a right to have boundaries around all of these things but it’s up to you to create them.

Highly sensitive people spend so much time putting others wants, needs and desires before their own that deep self-knowledge may not be present. Avoiding other people’s disapproval or disappointment has been paramount for so long that it will take a little time and effort to shift that ingrained thought pattern.

However, it is possible.

The first order of business in setting effective boundaries when you are sensitive or a codependent is just immediately stopping the “auto yes.” Because if you can just stop automatically saying yes to things that you really don’t want to do, you are stopping the process and creating space to mindfully decide. Next, is actually saying no with kindness and grace. For more boundary setting techniques and tips, including helpful language for how to say no, download the full Boundary Setting Cheat Sheet now.

So what are good boundaries? Good boundaries are not taking responsibility for things that are not yours (feelings, emotions, situations, etc.), and taking responsibility for things, situations, emotions that are yours. I want you to understand the value, especially if you are codependent or highly sensitive or an empath…you having good boundaries will uplevel every single solitary relationship in your life. It is not you being mean, bitchy, or selfish. It is truly an act of self-love and ultimately creates the space for healthy relationships.


Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Hernán Piñera.

The post How to Draw Boundaries for Empaths appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

Do You Believe in Second Chances?

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Have you ever had something come back around like a romantic relationship, friendship, job, or career path that you thought was over?

Or perhaps you’ve gotten a second chance with a different situation or cast of characters. Like a new relationship after a divorce or a job after being laid off. Or even your health after getting to the other side of an illness.

Second chances do happen for all of us and when they do, it is important that we apply the lessons we learned the first time around. Many of us are great about doing this because we are intentional about not wanting to repeat the same kind of what we’d call mistakes again. We approach second chances with gratitude and excitement.

But second chances can also produce fear. I see this frequently with clients. At first, they are thrilled at getting another shot at something, but then all kinds of anxiety creeps in. They start questioning themselves and notice old patterns coming up.

What is fascinating (and rather sad) about us humans sometimes is that the closer to what we truly want gets, the more we attempt to push it away. Obviously, this is not a conscious thing we do, the saboteur is very sneaky…yet powerful. And the reason we sabotage is because we have not fully healed the core issues and misunderstandings around love and worthiness.

You’ll listen to an example of this with my caller this week on Over it and On With It. Jenny has gotten a second chance in regards to a romantic relationship. She would love to just feel grateful and excited, yet what she is experiencing is a roller coaster of emotions.

Tune in to listen to me coach Jenny and give you tips for not sabotaging the things in your life that you want most. And while you’re there catch up on past episodes where I cover topics such as: How to know if someone is the “one”, Why break-ups are so hard, and How to DO less and BE more. To see all shows go here.

Sending you love!!

With appreciation,
Christine


Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.


Image courtsey of geralt 15721.

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Trying to Quit Smoking–or Trying to Help Someone Else? Create Your Personalized Plan.

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As I know from studying habits for my book Better Than Before, one habit that people really want to change — in themselves or others — is the habit of smoking. But quitting is tough.

If you’re struggling, you might try to harness the strength of your Tendency, and to consider the limitations of your Tendency, to build an approach that’s customized for you.

First step: Figure out your “Tendency” — if you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel — by taking the Four Tendencies quiz here.

Second step: Once you identify your Tendency, you can personalize an approach for quitting smoking (or whatever goal you’re trying to achieve).

How might that work?

Obliger: The key for Obligers is outer accountability.

That’s the key! The essential piece! You need to plug in some structures of outer accountability. You might…

  • Work with a health coach.
  • Consider your duty to be a role model of healthy behavior for your children, co-workers, students, etc.
  • Think of your duty to your future-self. Now-self wants to smoke, but future-self will be so disappointed that now-self didn’t quit.
  • Make a deal with someone else: if you stop smoking that person will also stop smoking (or whatever habit that person wants to change). You can’t smoke, or else that person will feel free to resume his or her bad habit — and that would be terrible.

Questioner: The key for Questioners is justification.

Drill deep into your reasons for quitting. What are the justifications?

  • You’ll be much healthier.
  • You’ll save a ton of money.
  • Your clothes won’t smell.
  • Your tennis game will improve.

Note, too, that Questioners love to monitor, so try keeping a record of how many days you’ve gone without smoking, how much money you’ve saved, etc. Questioners also love to customize, so whatever cessation strategy you use, customize it so it works for you.

Rebel: The key for Rebels is choice and freedom.

If you’re thinking, “No one can tell me what to do, I don’t care about ‘doctor’s orders,’ I do what I want,” frame your thoughts about smoking in a different way. Not smoking is an expression of your identity, your freedom, your choice. Being free from nicotine is what you want.

You might reflect:

  • I’m not chained by addiction.
  • Cigarettes don’t control me.
  • I’m not the pawn of the big tobacco companies. Sure, they want me to continue to pour money into their pockets, but they can’t keep me hooked.
  • My son thinks an old guy like me can’t quit smoking, but I’ll show him how tough I am.
  • I’m an athletic, energetic, vital person who respects her body. That’s who I am.

Rebels want to do things their own way, and they often enjoy flouting expectations, so maybe you want to quit in some dramatic, unexpected way, or ignore the conventional wisdom about the best way to do it.

Upholder: The key for Upholders is discipline.

The fact is, if you’re an Upholder, you’re less likely to be struggling with a habit like smoking. When I did my representative survey, at 24%, Upholders were the least likely to agree with the statement “I have struggled with addiction.” The other three Tendencies scored about the same (34%, 32%, 32%), so it seems likely that there’s something specific to Upholders’ nature that protects them. But of course, some Upholders do get hooked on cigarettes.

In which case…

  • Make a plan.
  • Put it on the calendar.
  • Monitor how many cigarettes you smoke each day.

In my bestselling book Better Than Before, I outline the 21 strategies that we can use to make or break our habits. For a one-pager on which of these habit-formation strategies works best for each Tendency, email me here.

The Four Tendencies framework isn’t meant to be a label that confines us, but rather a spotlight that can illuminate hidden patterns in our natures. When we know the right buttons to push, it’s much easier and simpler to make positive change.

The Four Tendencies give us insight to help make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.


Gretchen Rubin is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Happiness Project—an account of the year she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier—and the recently released Happier at Home and Better Than Before. On her popular blog, The Happiness Project, she reports on her daily adventures in the pursuit of happiness. For more doses of happiness and other happenings, follow Gretchen on Facebook and Twitter.

 


Image courtesy of Vojtech Okenka.

The post Trying to Quit Smoking–or Trying to Help Someone Else? Create Your Personalized Plan. appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

What Do Thoughts Have to Do With It? 

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I recently celebrated my 10th anniversary. So far it’s been a heck of a ride – in a good way most of the time, but just as in most marriages, there are challenges.

My husband, Wes, is super cool and also in alignment with holistic living. He’s a former triathlete and is in better shape at his age than guys 20-years younger. Seriously, he runs, bikes, is learning how to paddle board and surf…

Wes and I LOVE to travel for business and pleasure. AND you know what? We do. We’re both self-employed and we work from home, so we have the freedom to do what we want, when we want. Yep, it’s awesome.

Now, let me tell you, I have no problem with freedom and neither does my husband. But because we’re both free to set our own schedules it often means being an arms length away from each other day and night. Can I tell you, we see a lot of each other?

A-LOT.

It’s nice, but remember those challenges I mentioned earlier? Yeah. Between both our businesses, we lead busy lives and it can be easy to take each other for granted. We can say or do things without thinking, so we try to pay really close attention to the way we communicate.

If we’re not careful, Bam! Micro-issues can escalate into all-out wars of words. Like if I say something and my husband makes it mean something about him. Now, what I said might have absolutely nothing to do with him but his thoughts, (based on past experiences) lead him to think it does.

Have you been there? We all have, and unless we consciously monitor our thoughts, we can get off track. They can lead us to feel criticized, demeaned or judged. It’s our job to be sure that doesn’t happen.

When we communicate, it’s not just what we say and how we say it – but how we HEAR each other.

Depending on our interpretation, we can misunderstand what someone is trying to tell us. And when that happens … things can get blown totally out of proportion. Our thoughts lead to our emotions, and both can lead to actions, so it’s super important to take control of our thoughts.

We consciously create our lives by becoming self-aware of our inner dialogue. What are we telling ourselves? Are we making a situation mean something about us? As long as we are aware of what’s going on in that space between our ears, we are able to determine whether it belongs there or needs to be replaced by something else.

Is there a thought that holds you back? Pay attention and learn to recognize when it comes up. In that very moment, you can change your thought. And that, my friend, will change your life experience.


Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, Kick-A$$ Business Guru, 7 Figure MOM-treprenuer. and passionate about empowering others to live the life of their dreams and is based in Boulder, CO. Hayley creates lifestyle transformations by coaching her clients to become the best WHOLE version of themselves possible. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events, and custom programs, visit hayleyhobson.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.


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Dissent Can Make Us Fat Girls Stronger

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As a fat woman, I know all about naysayers. I only have to walk around in my large, roll-covered body to get the message loud and clear that my body size is not okay. From the sideways looks from strangers in the street, the concerns family members have about my “health,” the clothing stores where a “plus-size” section is a pitiful couple of racks hidden in the back corner, to the magazine covers touting shame-filled “before” pictures that look a lot like me, you’d have to be completely oblivious to miss the message.

So a fat girl does one of two things in response to this message: we hide (usually in the form of binge eating, become a “people pleaser,” always sitting in the back row, being overly polite, etc.) or we choose to go big with our bigness and dare to live life fully now, not someday later when we drop unwanted pounds. Think Gabourey Sidibe, Melissa McCarthy, and Rebel Wilson.

If a fat woman dares to be happy with herself and enjoy life despite her size, she is doing something revolutionary.

For me, following the conventional wisdom of the diet culture did nothing to make me thinner or happier or better off in any lasting way. I had to pick my own path that honored my truths, start my own revolution. My continued happiness, full life and newly found comfort in my body prove to me that I made the right decision for me.

Of course, I knew that my radical decision would be challenged, as it was when I received my first “naysayer” comment on my blog after sharing an adorable and informative video by the Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH) called “Poodle Science.” I was stunned. The comment brought up a whole bevy of mixed feelings for me. At first, I was excited that I had received a comment on my blog, but that was quickly replaced with feelings of anger and sadness after being told that I was “out of line with reality.” Typically I would have become depressed and started questioning myself, but not this time. This time, I began to laugh! What struck me most was that I had finally posted something that prompted someone to comment, but it was just to tell me how wrong I was. I didn’t hide. I actually wrote a new blog post highlighting and sharing the comment prominently for all to see.

I have realized that unless you have at least one dissenter, you are not doing anything revolutionary.

If you only receive positive comments, you are not pushing any boundaries. You are not fostering deep thinking. You are just telling people what they want to hear and most of the time, you are preaching to the choir.

When your choices are challenged by those who either do not, cannot or refuse to believe the same, you are faced with the wonderful opportunity to reexamine what it is you believe and the truth therein. Like a fortress under siege, your weaknesses are revealed and you are given the unique chance to shore up your defenses, re-educate yourself, or simply stand more firmly in what you believe.

When you love the choices that you make, you do not need the permission or validation from others to benefit from the decisions that you made.

Nay-sayers are a gift, cleverly wrapped. Learn to take them in stride, especially if you’re swimming against the current.


Tiana Dodson is a fat activist and health coach who runs One Beautiful Yes, where she helps people in big bodies find their healthy. (Body shaming, intentional weight loss, and self-hatred not included.) If she could only ever tell the world one thing, it would be that health isn’t about the size of your body: it’s about how you function in that body, how you fuel that body, and how you feel about that body. And that process always starts with one precious, beautiful yes.

 

Image courtesy of realineme via Deposit Photos.

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How to Give Your Child a Rich Life–Without Raising Entitled Kids

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“Our offspring have simply leveraged our good intentions and over-investment…They inhabit a broad savannah of entitlement that we’ve watered, landscaped, and hired gardeners to maintain.” -Sally Koslow

“I think I want my daughter to have some sense of entitlement… We were raised that we don’t deserve anything, including respect…. This happens every generation, the same spoiled children story….I’m sure the first generation of kids to wear shoes or go to school were also considered spoiled and entitled. I say we break the cycle of calling the younger generation names.” – Kara

We all want to raise kids who know how to work hard to create what they want in the world. Nobody wants to raise a child who thinks the world owes him, who feels like he’s entitled to take whatever he wants. But Kara (who made the comment above) is right. We also DO want to raise a child who feels deserving of the blessings of abundance—spiritual, emotional, and yes, physical—and the rich life that should be the birthright of every child.

How do we raise a child who feels deserving – but not “entitled”?

In this video with Avital of the Parenting Junkie, she pretends to be a five-year-old who wants more trucks, and I pretend to be the mom. We go into detail about how to talk with kids about money and things they want, in a way that empowers rather than shames.

 

And here are eleven tips to raise a child who feels deserving and empowered — but not entitled!

1. Don’t feed your child’s emotional hunger with possessions.

Material cravings are so often a salve for the deep need all humans share to be truly seen, accepted, cherished. Often when we feel guilty that we aren’t spending enough time with our kids, we buy them things. When your child gets demanding, that’s a red flag to stop, drop your busy-ness, and get clear about your priorities. What can you do with your child today to simply enjoy her? How can you set up rituals in your week to spend more time connecting? As the old saying goes, children thrive when you give them half as many presents and twice as much of your presence.

2. Instead of shaming, empower kids to create their own abundance.

Too often, out of our own anxiety about money, we shame children when they “want” material things. But the opposite response of giving kids everything they ask for also teaches the wrong lessons. There is a better way—we can empower our child. Consider these three approaches to your child in the toy store when you’re buying a present for her cousin’s birthday.

“Don’t even start asking…you know better than that! Don’t you ever get enough? Do you think money grows on trees? You don’t even take care of the things you have!” 

This approach teaches your child that he doesn’t deserve (of course he’s deserving), that he’s greedy for wanting things (all of us want things, all the time), that he is powerless to get what he wants in life (which makes him feel resentful and deprived; all those riches lined up on the shelves are for other people but not for him).

The result? Something that looks a lot like entitlement, or at least looking out for number one.

What about this approach?

“I hear you, I hear you—you really want it!… How much is it?….Well…..I guess so… Do you promise you’ll be a good girl all week and really listen?” 

This is bribing your child to cooperate, which always digs you into a hole. But what’s worse is that if we just hand our kids everything they want on a material level, it creates the expectation that they’ll be handed whatever they want in life, especially if they make a fuss, and promises they can’t necessarily keep. She’ll feel great for the moment, since our brains give us a hit of dopamine every time we chase, conquer, acquire. But that purchase will quickly lose its luster and she’ll be craving the next thing. That addicts her to purchasing things (or manipulating others to purchase things for her) as a way to feel good, and it gets her into the habit of acquiring more, more, more without feeling gratitude for what she has, both material and non-material.

Here’s the sweet spot:

“You really want that, I hear you…Wow, that is cool, isn’t it?…It’s not in our plan for today“ (In other words, this is not about a poverty mentality. It’s about priorities) … “I’m sorry that’s hard for you…. No, we aren’t getting that today…. I see how much you like it… Do you want me to put it on your birthday list?… You’re right, your birthday is a long way off…. But if it is still what you want most, then maybe you can have it then…. And you know, if you really want it sooner, you can earn the money… Sure, I can think of some odd jobs that aren’t part of your normal chores… And you’re getting old enough that you could walk the dog for Mrs. Turner, or shovel the snow this winter around the neighborhood.”

This child feels empowered. If she really wants this item, she can get it, eventually. She’s learned that anything she wants is possible, with enough hard work.

3. Empower your child by giving her the chance to learn the value of hard work.

Remember the days when kids did odd jobs all summer to earn money for a bike? Those kids knew the worth of a nickel, took care of their bikes, and felt enormously empowered. They knew they could realize their dreams by working hard. I’m not saying you can’t buy a new bike just because your child outgrew her old one, but all children need to learn that if they work hard at things, they can make their dreams come true. They learn more from earning than from just being handed things. And the pursuit of a goal is rewarding in itself.

4. Help your child learn how to hold a job.

Earning money at home is one thing, but there’s nothing as educational as working for someone outside the family for pay, which teaches real responsibility in the real world. Start when your eight year old wants something badly and her birthday’s still far off, by paying her to do tasks you wouldn’t normally expect of her (washing the car, weeding the garden). But over time, be sure this expands to odd jobs in the neighborhood (walk the neighbor’s dog or offer snow shoveling service in the winter), then to mother’s helper/babysitting jobs when it’s age appropriate, and finally to after-school or summer jobs. Even if your family has plenty and never needs your teenager to work, every teen should learn by experience what it takes to earn a dollar.

5. Role Model.

Children won’t always do what you say, but they’ll always, eventually, do what you do. If you shop for relaxation or fun, so will your child. If you “must have” the latest tech toy, your child will follow in your footsteps. If you “give back” your child will see sharing with others as a regular part of life. If you express gratitude for everything you have, so will your child.

6. Help your child learn to be accountable for damaged goods.

If kids help pay from their own savings for lost library books and cell phones, windows broken by their baseball or a jacket they lose, they learn a valuable lesson about valuing what they have, rather than assuming someone else will simply “buy another.” Of course, you stay clear about priorities — your child is always more important than that thing he broke, you might help him with the money, and you never have to be mean about it. But you expect your child to step up and take responsibility to help make things right.

7. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought. 

As parents, we need to remember that we aren’t the only ones teaching our children about life. TV is a very effective teacher, and if it has your child’s ear, it has a direct line to her brain. Studies show that most adults say they’re not affected by TV ads, but in fact those ads influence them deeply. Imagine how much more true that is for children, who get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell our children will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly, and when possible keep them from reaching our kids.

8. Help your child wire his brain for a different kind of reward.

Recognize that buying is an addiction, given that dopamine is released when we get what we pursue. It isn’t wanting that gets us into trouble, it’s WHAT we want and pursue. Material things don’t satisfy our hunting urge for more than a day or so before we crave more. So notice what you pursue, and help your child discover the emotional rewards of other kinds of chases besides shopping and acquisition. No, he can’t hunt a mastodon, but how about the pursuit of mastery, with something he’s passionate about? A child who loves playing basketball, cooking, writing, music—any passion—practices it, builds resilience, and along the way wires his brain to find fulfillment in a different kind of chase. This is the kind of reward that lasts.

9. Give back as a family.

Children need a context to appreciate what they have, which means they need to see that while they may not have everything they want, they have more than enough. When they see that others have less, children usually feel moved to share, and become more appreciative of what they have and less focused on getting more. Give your child the opportunity to discover how good it feels to help others.  What can kids do? Bake pies to donate. Sort food at a food bank. Help you deliver Meals on Wheels. Organize a book drive and ship the books off to Reader to Reader. Sponsor a not-so-lucky child, so your child gets a birds-eye-view of what life is like for children who might not have his or her blessings. You’ll find lots more suggestions online.

10. Educate yourself.

You aren’t raising your child in a vacuum. Our culture is centered around consumption — accumulating more and more stuff. You and your kids are surrounded by messages that buying stuff will make your life better, and it’s so hard not to respond to that drumbeat. I highly recommend the short video The Story of Stuff which will make you laugh, change the way you look at things, and maybe change the way your family lives.

11. Live the values you want to pass on to your child.

What matters most to you? The people you love? Doing good in the world? Following your passions and contributing them to the world? I’m betting you didn’t say “Stuff.” Kids need to hear explicitly, and to see you demonstrate, what matters most, so they learn that life holds huge abundance beyond achievement and accumulating material possessions.

Notice a thread here? If kids today feel entitled, it’s not because they’re “bad.” It’s because we’re raising them in a culture of entitlement, one that values acquiring having stuff over developing our unique gifts to contribute to the world, and even over being a good human being. It’s because when they want connection and validation, we give them stuff. To help kids change, we have to examine our own lives and assumptions.

The good news is that these practices do work to raise kids who aren’t “entitled.” What’s more, they make your life better. Because when we take the emphasis off stuff, we shift it to where it belongs: Connecting and contributing, which create lasting, rather than momentary, happiness.

*Originally published on AhaParenting.com.


Dr. Laura Markham, founder of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life.

 

 

 


Image courtesy of joel carter.

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How to Successfully Quit Your Job and Pursue Your Dream

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Do you remember when you grew up and you wanted to become a firefighter, musician or maybe a professional athlete? A passion you wanted to pursue because you loved doing it. However, once you grew older you were told that this profession wouldn’t get you anywhere because it is just not a career and doesn’t earn you enough money to start a family and buy a house. Thus, you settled for a job you are not passionate about but with a solid paycheck and a promising career track.

Soon you realized that this job doesn’t fulfill you, you don’t see the outcome of your work because you are just a small wheel in a big engine. Sometimes you wonder if your work even matters at all. You are sitting up the hours in the office. Eight plus hours wasted per day. You give a third of your day to something you don’t really enjoy and doesn’t fulfill you.

That was my experience working as a management consultant for one of the biggest IT companies in the world. I was a small wheel and my only reward for the job seemed to be that I wasn’t fired yet.

Finally, I decided to make an end to this rat race and I quit my job to live the life I really wanted.

Now eight months into my journey, I am doing all the things I love doing… epic cycling events, video shootings, publications in international magazines and solo adventure cycling tours. Every day looks different, I have no idea what happens in two weeks. I don’t have an apartment and live out of my suitcase. I travel and cycle throughout Europe meeting incredible inspiring and like-minded people and coming across opportunities that I never thought would be possible eight months ago.

No words can describe how much richer, fulfilled and happier my life feels right now. I can truly say, I am living my dream!

While pursuing my dream I found there are some crucial conditions to successfully quit a job and pursue a dream. Below are seven aspects I found to be important:

1. Have no baggage.

Literally and figuratively. This is a pre-requisite for quitting the job and doing what you want to do. Don’t have debt. Reduce your reoccurring costs. I manage to decrease my monthly costs to my 30 Euro phone bill. I don’t rent a room or apartment currently. Thus, the only costs that incur are what I do right in this moment. It comes with an awesome side effect: it creates a complete sense of freedom not to be owned by a bank or material, it also means that I don’t need to have a high-paying job. Even if you are not looking to pursue your dream job, I would highly encourage to reduce material needs. We don’t need most of our stuff. It is a perception that we require a lot. Sometimes, people only own so much to show it off but that is a different issue. If you don’t need to prove your worth through your belongings, then evaluate what you truly need. I bet, you don’t need most of it.

2. Be fully dedicated.

I wanted to pursue my passion so many times in the past. But I failed. I failed because I thought that a partial dedication to pursuing my dream job would suffice. Like working for four days and having an extra day to explore my passion. However, the only way how I could make it happen is to go 100%. The reason is two-fold. First, since there was nothing else to focus on I had the complete focus on making my dream happen. It creates a new feeling if you know that there is no excuse to do something else than pursuing your dream.

The second and even more important reason why 100% “all-in” is important that you are now free. There is nothing holding you back from trying everything out, succeeding and failing. When I quit my job, I knew my passion but I wasn’t really sure what exactly my job would look like. I needed the time and energy to try everything out without any constraints or drainers. Plus, the opportunities arise when you expose yourself to them. I would never have received any of the opportunities given to me if I had another commitment because I would have not been available to do it. Now, I receive offers to projects and events because people know I am completely free and not tied to a normal job.

3. You must have the passion for it.

Without a fire in your soul you will not get anywhere. Just quitting your job to sit lazy at the beach doesn’t get you anywhere. But if you have a vision and you cant stop dreaming about a different life, then you are on the right way. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” Every day you want to jump out of your bed and work on your passion. You will have so much fun pursuing your passion that you feel you never work a minute in your life. Confucius was right.

4. Stand up for yourself.

Go your way. While you are creating your own path, your own way, your own life, there will be many, many people telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. The more you do your own thing and the more you don’t go mainstream, the more people will question (and admire) you. Don’t feel offended by the people who question you. Listen, understand where they are currently in life. They might be scared or jealous but by no means shall they take you off your own path. As Churchill said: “You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”

5. Be able to handle failures.

The good thing for doing your own thing is that you are responsible for everything you do – your successes as well as your failures. There is no boss or other authority that takes the hits. Everything comes to you directly. I have sent hundreds of emails out and receive many, many rejections. But the few successes I get I celebrate them as it is Christmas, New Years and my birthday combined. It is an incredible feeling to call the successes yours. Sometimes the failures are just rejected emails, sometimes the failures are bigger. But never let them get to you and if they do, it is next key aspect that will get you out of it.

6. Have a support network.

A support network is absolutely crucial. It can be one person or a few but your support network should serve multiple purposes and since they are fundamentally different, I would encourage to have at least two different supporters. Have one emotional support person. Someone who loves or likes and appreciates you who you as a person are, no matter your successes or failures. That person doesn’t necessarily need to know in depth what you do but can listen and says the right words when you need it. This person could be your mom, your partner or a close friend from your childhood.

Another important person is your “business advisor,” someone who is genuinely interested in your business success. That person can give you advice about your work and your path as well as wisdom but also challenges your thinking in a positive way.

Have a few close supporters who are “joining your journey” by listening to your updates and sharing your ideas. These supporters have to be carefully selected because they should be genuinely interested in your success and stay positive. You don’t need people telling you that you can’t achieve something; you will have plenty of them telling you that anyway without you asking for their opinion. No; these supporters shall give you energy and strength while also giving you positive criticism and challenge your thought process so you can see your path from different angles. These supporters could be your siblings, your best friend or former colleagues.

7. Don’t be afraid.

A dream stays a dream if you are too scared to pursue it. Most people’s dream job remains one. Fear of failure or rejection by friends keeps them away from truly unfolding their possibilities in life. Don’t fear the unknown. That makes life exciting. I always ask myself when I am scared of failure: When I am 90 years old and look back at my life, would I regret my decision of not trying something out? Life is there to be explored, to be used. As Abraham Lincoln said: “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

These are my seven key aspects to successfully quit a job and live the dream. Thus if you have a strong desire to live your dream, then don’t hesitate and go for it!


Monika Sattler aka Rad Monika is a full-time adventure cyclist, writer, vlogger and speaker who quit her job to pursue her passion. With her philosophy of life ‘dream, believe and achieve’ she inspires and enables others to create their own path and follow their dream. Visit her website here.

 

 

Image courtesy of skeeze.

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An Invitation to Live Life as You Were Meant To

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Can you feel life’s invitation? What does it take to live fully as who you really are? To live life as you dream of it? 

Does that sound out-of-reach? Impossible, even?

We grow up with such a rationed view of ourselves and our possibilities, especially our ability to feel love. Even in the best of life’s circumstances we only discover a fraction of the potential that lies dormant within us.

What gets in the way? Usually it’s any combination of self-doubt, self-criticism or self-denial (I think of them as the Big Bad 3). Any one of them shrinks our ability to feel love still more.

Passing of the torch

Each generation passes on this kind of limited picture to the next one as truth, usually with the best of intentions. My mother gave me countless messages about not getting my hopes up about one thing or another (usually something I was longing for). That if I were allowed to have something “too” special that I wouldn’t have anything to look forward to when I got older. As if the Universe were a limited place that only allowed for a certain amount of “good” things!

Of course, I believed her…and spent the next many years unlearning that!

But how could she teach me something other than what she believed?

How can you teach your children about what is possible if you don’t open yourself first?

Surely, life is not merely a job, an occupation; life is something extraordinarily wide and profound, it is a great mystery, a vast realm in which we function as human beings. – Jiddu Krishnamurti

What life is supposed to be

Have you had that nagging sense that this, how life is for you right now, isn’t how it’s supposed to be? That God didn’t intend for you to feel such fear or doubt, such holding back from life?

This, for me, is what fed my own passion for self-exploration. I wanted to know. I wanted to feel more, see more. Self-doubt was a spur that impelled my exploration.

As you grow up and look more closely at your life, you naturally begin to question the status quo. If you are anything like me, you read countless books about how to “help” yourself, how to become more of who you truly are.

Here is the important part: You may embrace new ideas, but do you really change? Do you feel differently, think differently and act differently?

It is impossible to change how you live and what you do unless you feel something new in your own body. That is how you bring a new idea or possibility into being.

Otherwise, the best ideas in the world will fall apart under the crippling glare of your own self-doubt.

At its bottom,

Self-doubt is the denial of love that is actively available to you. @TheBacaJourney (Click to Tweet!)

I’m talking about Self-love, not romantic love. The kind that doesn’t have anything to do with another person. Love that is cell-penetrating, grander, more magnificent than any human could completely contain or provide.

If your heart is closed down, you aren’t able to receive that Love. You stay with negative patterns, your limiting beliefs or old wounds. That focus keeps alive the negative experiences of your life.

Your invitation from life

Image by makunin.

Here’s the secret. You can open to something new that is there inside of you and you can let the feeling of THAT flood every cell in your body. You can ask for it and make space to receive it. It takes discipline to do this, to keep those yucky thoughts and limiting beliefs from holding court in your being.

It takes surrender. It’s an active and aware way of living.

It’s a choice.

It takes practice and patience. And willingness.

When you experience Love as a physical, tangible feeling in your body, as a vibration in your very core, then an incredible strength takes hold within you. It is true freedom.

This is the invitation the Universe is holding out to you. It is available. Receive it. Breathe it in.


Laurie Seymour is a mentor/guide, #1 best-selling author, host of the Wisdom Talk Radio podcast and founder of The Baca Journey. She helps women and men who are in the midst of great change to have a direct experience of their inner wisdom, dissolving self-doubt. Then she provides the strategies to sustain their inner connection so that they live the life they know is possible with confidence. Start now with a complimentary exploratory session (virtual tea!). Let’s explore where you’ve been and illuminate where you’re heading.  

Image courtesy of lechenie-narkomanii.

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What Helps Me Cope with Difficult Emotions

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“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, The one you feed.”

– “The Story of the Two Wolves.”

I fully believe Heaven and Hell are two states of mind, representing two different ways of living our lives on Earth.

Whenever we feed our mind with negative thoughts of anger, anxiety, envy, jealousy, lies, guilt or resentment, we create a Hell of fear, worries and negative thoughts that make us feel frustrated, miserable and sad.

Whenever we nourish our mind with thoughts of joy, peace, honesty, hope, understanding and care (in relationship to ourselves and others), we create a positive internal universe of compassion, a Heaven where the primary language is the one of love.

“The Story of the Two Wolves” is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard. And still, I am here to ask if it is even possible to have no fears and only experience so-perceived “positive” emotions: happiness, joy, satisfaction, content, and so on.

The truth is being human also comes along with rough times, dealing with loss, failure, and disappointment, sadness, sufferance and pain. Ignoring the reality of our emotions is being in denial.

Everyone is striving to be happy. Most of us have been taught to suppress such so-called “negative” emotions and avoid pain. However, is that even possible? At least for me, I know it doesn’t work.

However, I found a way to stop identifying myself with my emotions, knowing that they are transitory. I learned to witness them with no judgment, instead of labeling myself through my feelings.

Instead of “I’m sad,” I say: ”There is sadness in me right now.”

Instead of “I’m angry,” I say: “There is anger in me right now.”

Instead of “I’m worried,” I say: “There is a worry in me right now.”

Acting as an observer helps me take my power back. This way, can self-manage my emotions, instead of letting them control me. Energy consuming stress that once used to torment me does not own me any longer, and I own it instead.

“Feelings are just visitors; let them come and go.” – Mooji

When we acknowledge the entire range of emotions instead of trying to suppress or ignore them, we embrace our humanity and approve of ourselves, as we are.

Today I know I am not my thoughts, in the same way, I am not what I feel. My spirit refuses to be put in a box and labeled. I am a soul who is here to learn, grow from new experiences and be as happy as I could be.

And now, I would love to hear from you. What is your way to cope with difficult emotions?


Sara Fabian is a Women’s Empowerment & Career Coach and inspirational speaker, on a mission to help professional women to discover their unique strengths, gifts and talents, boost their confidence, find their calling and live a meaningful life of purpose. For weekly inspiration, subscribe to her free newsletter at www.sarafabiancoaching.com or follow her on Facebook.

 

 

Image courtesy of luizclas.

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Becoming The Master Of Your Own Fate

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His platoon was counting on him. He couldn’t come back a failure.

Brandon Webb was deployed to the Middle East four times. He was a SEAL and then he became a special operations sniper. “We were new guys. New guys didn’t get that opportunity,” he said. “We were excited but terrified…”

He had to learn how to make quick decisions.

Hard decisions.

“You have to earn your SEAL pin every day,” he said. “The only easy day was yesterday. That’s our motto.”

He used that motto to become one of the most accomplished teachers in the military’s sniper school. And in his leadership, he changed the system. Brandon focussed on positive reinforcement (instead of scare tactics). He saw this firsthand: a good “mental mindset” leads to success.

So I had Brandon on the podcast to learn how to become an expert at “mental management.” These guys go through brutal training. I wouldn’t survive the first hour. But somehow, they make it through. I needed know how.

He talks about this in his “New York Times” bestselling memoir, “The Red Circle” and his newest book, a “The Killing School: Inside the World’s Deadliest Sniper Program.” Brandon shows you exactly how to become a master of your own fate… (what skills and tricks he teaches snipers and practices himself: visualization, positive self-talk, solution-based thinking and so on.)

“I wanted to give people the uncomfortable look behind the curtain on what it’s really like to take another person’s life,” he said.

“…what war is like and what it’s like when my friend, Alex, in the book, shoots a bad guy in Afghanistan and watches as the man’s 13-year-old son walks out to save his dad…”

“And then Alex comes back home. He has his own son who is 13. He broke down after the mission.”

I asked Brandon about the ups and downs of going to war, coming home, and going back again. And how he stayed healthy enough to start his own business, fail and start over again.

I wanted to know how he became a master of his own fate. And how I can be too…

I don’t normally do this. But this time, I’m giving away the “table of contents” of what I wanted to discuss:

  • I wanted to cover Brandon’s ideas on war
  • And discuss the issue of teaching people to kill people (to me, this is the elephant in the room)
  • Brandon was one of the first deployed to Iraq. He said sniper school is completely mental. I wanted to learn how to apply this in everyday life.

“Obviously, I don’t want to learn how to be a sniper,” I said, “but what I really want to talk about is peak performance.” Both of Brandon’s books talk about this. Especially his section on “mental management.” I wanted to learn what tools and habits I need to do today to make myself a master of my own fate. That’s essentially what this show is about… becoming the master of your own fate. “Choosing yourself.”

Here’s what I learned from Brandon (and some shortcuts from the show):

– BUILD A SOLUTION MINDSET – (listen at [59:03])

It wasn’t just target practice. Brandon was training snipers. He needed his students to perform at peak performance in incredibly high stakes situations. So they started with self-talk.

It starts by changing “can’t” to “can.” But you’ve heard this before. (I did). And I tried it before.

It didn’t stick.

But if it works for A-class snipers it should work for me.

Brandon told me the formula: visualization + hard work

Every day, he starts with visualizing success. Then he puts in the work.

Roadblocks always come up. It will be difficult. But Brandon said that’s where the “solution-mind” comes in. You have to combat every issue with new ideas. Exercise your idea muscle. Be creative.

“Do it over and over again to create a habit,” he said.

– POSITIVE HABITS – (listen at [1:02:30])

“I’ve seen it,” Brandon says, “I’ve seen it while on the firing line. They think about it and then it transfers to behavior.” If someone says don’t flinch, they’re going to flinch.

Brandon made it up the ranks. His job was to train snipers. And he started by programming students with good habits. Instead of focusing on the negative (don’t flinch), he focused on the positive (keep your eyes on the target.)

– YOU CAN QUIT WITHOUT FAILING – (listen at [1:07:26])

Brandon left the Navy. And started his own company.

But he didn’t know when to let go.

Nothing was working out. He lost everything: his business, friends, family… A month later his wife was asking for a divorce. And the kids went with her. “I had to have the conversation with all his neighbors: ‘Where’d your family go?’ It was embarrassing.” He said it was the first time he felt like he really failed in life. I asked how he bounced back.

He told me this: “Failure is necessary to be successful in life. There’s a big difference between quitting and failure.”

– HARD WORK = CONFIDENCE – (listen at [1:17:14])

We were talking about gold medalists.They have a different mindset. Brandon calls it “the mind of a champion.” That’s what he tries to build in his students. Brandon says the formula is hard work and confidence.

“But how do you get the confidence part?” I said.

“It comes from hard work…”

– BELONGING

(listen at [31:16])

I needed to know. Islam itself. What is the fight? Is this really a fight of religions? Why has radicalism spread so quickly in the Middle East?

Brandon explained the economics. There’s a big gap between rich and poor. “The social and political situation is not very good,” he said. “Saudi Arabia, for example, has a very elite royal ruling class but the working population is very poor.”

He said people join the fight because they need a cause. They need to belong to something. A military is a tribe.

I get this question all the time. “How do I find my purpose?” Some people find their purpose in a fight. In a mission. In a cause… Brandon explained that the people who join these radical groups, or any group, were probably suffering in life. And they wanted to fill a hole. They wanted what any human wants: a feeling of belonging. That’s the powerful force pulling them in.

When Brandon was 16, his dad threw him off a boat in Tahiti. And Brandon had to find his way back. Eventually, he joined the military, became a Navy SEAL and then became a special ops sniper. There were 23 of them and 220 tried out.

The question he gets most often is one of ignorance, “How many people did you kill?” But that’s not what it’s about for Brandon. And maybe that’s what separates good from evil. He continued to tell me how radical governments incentives people to join “the cause.” He said they pay people to become martyrs.

I couldn’t believe it.

“Is that true?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “As a state sponsor of terror, Iran is funding and fueling the conflict in the Middle East, especially with Israel.” And the internet makes it worse, too. Because it connects us.

“The internet is a beautiful thing,” he said. But it also gives terrorists the ability to radicalize someone over here.

I don’t know what the big takeaway here is. Maybe the sense of learning new information is enough… I don’t read the newspaper on a daily basis. I view the news as the first draft of history. But I feel books like Brandon’s become the second and third drafts. And that’s where I get my knowledge.

Maybe this podcast is the fourth draft.


James Altucher is the author of the bestselling book Choose Yourself, editor at The Altucher Report and host of the popular podcast, The James Altucher Show, which takes you beyond business and entrepreneurship by exploring what it means to be human and achieve well-being in a world that is increasingly complicated. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.


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Did You Get Interrupted on the Way To “Ideal”?

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Photo titled: “Kid interrupting poignant selfie” August 2017

My life has next to zero resemblance of what I thought it would look like when I started to act like an adult (I just snorted when I typed that.)

I was supposed to marry my soul mate the first time around. I was supposed to have won something super shiny by now like an Oscar, (And the winner for best documentary is…) or have scored a car in a raffle because God wanted to bonus me for being such a spiritual overachiever.

In my new-to-adulthood mind (about the same time I was sleeping with much older men to test out my power and learn about wine. [I learned nothing about wine.]) I envisioned myself going to a lot of cocktail parties wearing all those big rings I was collecting. I was going to speak fluent French, not just enough to swear in Québécois or order crepes.

In my incredible future I would have been doing yoga so consistently for so many years, that by now I’d be a sinewy little waif with abs of asana steel…wearing one of my cocktail rings in yoga class. So chill about my flexi awesomeness.

I would have been to Fiji and seen an opera at The Met by now. I was also going to have two divinely-timed children. (I went for quality over quantity.) Oh and I was going to have the same friends forever and ever. And I was going to paint like Rothko.

None of those things have happened, some never will. (Except, I always knew that I’d have a little boy and he’d be incredible.) I may or may not get to Fiji this lifetime. But you know, I think I’d rather just keep going to Paris for crepes.

Every “image” I had of my “ideal” life has been interrupted, derailed, splattered on the road to this sometimes way too f-cking complicated, patience-of-Job, deeply deep and BEAUTIFUL life that I find myself in. CORRECTION: I didn’t “find” myself here. I made choices to be here — right where I am. One choice at a time.

Every time you choose to go for a “feeling” instead of an “image”, you’re making a courageous choice.

Here’s what I’d say to her, to me in my tube skirt and cowboy boots, chugging chocolate milk on a Saturday morning for a tequila hangover:

How do you want your future to feel?

And she would have replied, without hesitation, “I want my life to feel AMAZING!” And she wouldn’t have had a clue what that was going to “look” like. “Ideal” would have been a mystery to unfold instead of a trail of milestones.

And she would have known that…the detours and interruptions are warning bells and magical spells.

Choose to unfold. It’s way less predictable, less tidy, it’s highly inconvenient. And it’s where the power is.

The kind of beautiful, gorgeous power you’ve been craving to feel your entire life.


Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path—from one seeker to another. The Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul—the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries.

Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.” A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son. You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media.


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5 Unorthodox Productivity Tips to Get More Done

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It doesn’t matter what you do for a living in or where you work – everyone is looking for productivity tips to get more done. Everyone is looking for ways to get their jobs done faster, easier, with fewer headaches. But, what if I told you that true productivity doesn’t just come down to making a task list and checking things off when you finish. It takes more than that. True productivity lies not only in how you manage your time – but in how you manage your mind.

True productivity lies in how you manage your mind, not just your time. @JackCanfield (Click to Tweet!)

So follow these 5 uncommon tips to become an all-around more productive person.

1. Clean Up Your Messes

First, clean up your messes. When you live in a state of mental and physical clutter, it’s likely that you won’t be very productive. Incomplete projects, unfinished business, and piles of cluttered messes can weigh you down and take away from the energy you have to move forward toward your goals. When you don’t complete tasks, you can’t be fully prepared to move into the present, let alone into your new future.

What this means is that in order to be productive, you must complete any unfinished business or tasks that have been holding you back.

2. Focus!

Next, focus! The most successful people create entire days dedicated to focusing. A Focus Day is a day in which you spend at least 80% of your time operating in your core genius, or primary area of expertise—interacting with people or processes that give you the highest payoffs for the time you invest. To be successful, you must schedule more Focus Days and hold yourself accountable for producing the results. The more you focus on your highest payoff activities, the more productive you’ll be.

3. Just Say No

Third, learn how to say no. If you are going to increase your results and your income, as well as increase the amount of free time in your life, you are going to have to eliminate those activities, requests, and other time-stealers that don’t have a high payoff.

You will have to structure your work so that you are focusing your time, effort, energies, and resources only on projects, opportunities, and people that give you a huge reward for your efforts. You are going to have to create strong boundaries about what you will and won’t do.

4. Practice the Rule of 5

Next, practice the Rule of 5. The Rule of 5 simply means that every day, you must do five specific things to move your most important goal toward completion. By committing to take meaningful daily actions to achieve your goals, you will accomplish more than you thought possible in a surprisingly short amount of time.

5. Meditate

Meditation is very important when it comes to productivity. In general, through meditation, you can do many things better. When your mind is clear, you make better decisions, you’ll be able to focus on your most pressing issues, you’re more creative, you have much greater awareness of the world around you, and you ultimately get more done. All these are great benefits.

Pick one of these productivity tips and begin implementing it today. Leave a comment below on which one you are choosing to implement first starting today.


As the beloved originator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, Jack Canfield fostered the emergence of inspirational anthologies as a genre—and watched it grow to a billion dollar market. As the driving force behind the development and delivery of over 100 million books sold through the Chicken Soup for the Soul® franchise, Jack Canfield is uniquely qualified to talk about success. Jack is America’s #1 Success Coach and wrote the life-changing book The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be and Jack speaks around the world on this subject. Check out his newest book The 30-Day Sobriety Solution: How to Cut Back or Quit Drinking in the Privacy of Your Own Home. Follow Jack at www.jackcanfield.com and sign up for his free resources today!


Image courtesy of 350543.

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What I Want You to Know About Hitting Rock Bottom

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Today is my last day of being bankrupt.

It’s ground zero. The beginning.

I learned a lot during these last nine months in bankruptcy (and in the years that led up to this happening), yet one lesson rises above all others.

First, a bit of background. In 2011, my net worth was somewhere around $1,000,000. I owned multiple rental properties, as well as a boutique real estate company in Victoria BC, and had just returned from a trip around the world throughout 2010. On that trip, I thought endlessly about my purpose. I felt clear that I was entering a new phase of my life, and was dead set on creating a life where I gave more than I took.

Throughout my trip, which spanned 15 countries on four continents, it became obvious to me that just being alive was taxing for the planet and for other people. In essence, living a normal life where one works, eats, raises a family, and even gives 10% of their income to charity, would leave the planet in a worse situation than it was before said person arrived.

I became obsessed with the question “how can I be of the most service humanly possible while I am here?” and dreamed of finding a way to combine my giving with my vocation.

In October 2011, the idea hit. I was at an event called ‘We Day’ in Vancouver. There were 10,000 youth watching speakers like Al Gore, the Dalai Lama, Richard Branson, and more. It was like a rock concert for social good. I sat in the back row, watching, basking in the energy, and decided I wanted to fund a schoolhouse through the hosting organization, which would cost $10,000.

I wanted to get my friends involved too (I knew they would love the feeling of giving if I could get them to do it.) I thought through the objections they might have to giving and what would inspire them to say yes. I started texting:

“Hey dude, I am putting together a group of our friends to build a school in Kenya. It’s going to educate hundreds of kids.:) We are all giving $3 a day for 3 months. I am making a website that will have your picture on it, and everyone gets tax receipts. You good to join the crew?”

I don’t need to go into too much detail here, but you can see that the wording was very thought out, and it worked. The responses came in: “yes,” “I am in,” “Well, I guess I would be a jerk if I didn’t do it, so count me in.”

Shortly following the first round of texts, I had commitments that put me well on track to bringing in enough for a school. Then came the hard part…collecting the money in a way that wouldn’t take me weeks and ton of hounding my friends for multiple payments. It had to be smoother, and the “$3 a day” thing meant I would need 37 friends to give. That needed to be cleaner too.

I remember sitting in a cafe after the event, fiddling on my calculator with different equations: “42 people x $4.20 a day x 42 days…”, “50 people x $2 a day x 50 days…”, and then it hit:

33 people x $3.33 a day x 3 months = $10,000”

It just felt right.

And that was it, the trajectory of my life was changed and a five-year journey began.

Soon after, my girlfriend at the time nominated me to do a TEDx talk. I told the organizer that I wanted to talk about this idea for funding schools, 33 people at a time. He said it was gimmicky and that he would only give me a spot if I spoke about success in entrepreneurship. I didn’t want to talk about entrepreneurship, but I knew I had to get on that stage and tell the world about this 333 idea, so I wrote out a speech on entrepreneurship, submitted it, and was confirmed to speak at the TEDx event coming up in March 2011.

Then, I promptly threw out the entrepreneurship talk, and began writing my speech “How to Build A School in 3 Hours,” instead, vowing that I would rather get pulled off the stage mid-talk (I gauged that risk as being highly unlikely), then hold my heart back from what it wanted to say.

After rehearsing the talk about 2 billion times (it was my first ever public speech and I was nervous AF) I went on stage with nervous blotchy skin, a dry mouth, and pit stains, and spoke from my Soul. I felt carried that day, like I wasn’t even the one talking. There wasn’t an ‘um’, a ‘but’, a ‘ya know’ or any filler words. The speech all just flowed out.


After I finished talking, in some miraculous fashion, the event MC was so excited that he got up on stage and asked how people could get involved. I told him the website we had bought (that only had a landing page because we hadn’t actually built the software for other people to run campaigns on yet) and somehow that little question made it into the final cut of the video before TEDx released it. That meant that everyone who watched to the end was prompted to go to our site (this is unheard of in TEDx talks).

 

When the talk came out, I dedicated time every day (lots of it) to spreading that talk. I saw it as a huge opportunity and wanted to ensure I did all I could to help it along. Of the 40,000 people that watched that talk, 2,000 of them went to the site and signed up to raise money 2,000…

Two thousand humans… my mind was absolutely blown.

I did the math and realized if 2,000 people raised $10,000 each, that would raise $20,000,000 and fund, of course, 2,000 schools for kids that lack access to basic education.

Soon after, I met with my real estate company business partners and told them I wanted to do “this charity thing” full-time. They gave me their sincere blessing, we worked out a fair purchase price for my remaining portion of the company, and I got paid out.

The next five years are somewhat of a blur. I remember in the beginning, going with my gut for everything, and just watching miracles happen left and right.

Like the time I got invited to attend a conference at Harvard University for three days, and only talked to one person the entire time because I felt inspired to talk to her. That one person ended up being the speaker organizer for the event. After watching my TEDx talk, she invited me to keynote the next year (How does that happen?! My second speaking invitation ever was to keynote Harvard’s biggest annual conference).

Or how I didn’t even get off the stage after doing that Harvard keynote and a woman came up and invited me to speak at the United Nations (speaking gig #3… addressing delegates from dozens of countries, at the UN… what!?).

Or, after having named the fundraising company ‘Change Heroes’ and trying like crazy to attain the domain changeheroes.com which ZERO luck because someone owned it and wouldn’t respond to our offers to buy it, I went to a tiny gathering in NY, told my story, and a woman in the small audience stood up and said “you don’t know me, and I don’t know you, and I have no idea how this happened, but you have been emailing me trying to buy a domain I own…I own changeheroes.com, and now that I have heard this story, I want to give it to you, for free.”

We also kept raising more and more money, funding 10… 50… 100… 150… 200 schools. It was incredible.

Those things happened one after the other. Things kept getting bigger and kept flowing faster.

Until they stopped.

Or it might be more accurate to say, “until I stopped going with my gut and listening to what the Universe wanted of me.”

In the summer of 2013, my co-founder and I were navigating a strong disagreement regarding what to use as our revenue model. Mine (making 5-10% of the funds that people raised) felt right. His (selling the technology we had built to nonprofits as a SaaS model) made more sense on paper. You can guess what happened next.

I put my heart/gut/guidance (whatever you would like to call it) on the shelf for a minute, promising I would come back for it because this new model “made sense.” We changed our revenue model, and the magic was soon replaced with grinding, hard work, and a foggy outlook to say it lightly.

By early 2015, things started to suck even more. We were close to missing paydays and had to do whatever we could to stay alive. All of it happened: the layoffs, the loans, me selling every property and investment I owned, racking up my personal credits cards, and taking out personal loans from the bank and a friend to float the company.

By the end of 2015, it was clear that the company wasn’t going to make it on its current path.

A long, arduous, horrendously hard year later, I decided there was no way for me to pay the $400,000 that I owed in personal loans I had used to fuel the company, and I declared bankruptcy.

It was crushing, to say the least, and I felt very sorry for myself. But that didn’t even compare to how badly I felt for the other people that had gone down with me. Forty wonderful people had invested in the company, dozens of employees had poured their hearts out and worked for next to nothing, nonprofits had trusted us to support them, and countless people had looked at Change Heroes as a beautiful movement that showed change was actually possible.

The way it all went down just made things worse. It got ugly. And…it was all a reflection of me. It was my fault. All of it.

Somehow, in the midst of everything falling down, I would get these glimpses of what I was meant to learn.

I intuitively knew that this was a rare and important opportunity to find out what true happiness is. To find a way to be grateful inside, regardless of what was happening on the outside. I knew deep down that if I could do that, then my happiness in the future, when things were brighter, would be true.

It didn’t happen overnight, but each day, I became more and more grateful for what I had, even while at “rock bottom.” It became clear that I am in charge of how I feel, and that I am a happy human being, no matter what.

Now, I am sitting here on the last day of my nine-month bankruptcy term. Tomorrow, I can do anything and create what I want. I can make as much or as little as I choose.

And here’s the thing…I don’t really care.

I don’t care what term is used for my financial situation.

I don’t care how someone looks at my particular moment in time.

I only care about how I feel inside, and I have reached a feeling of pure thriving, WHILE LEGALLY BANKRUPT.

That is the lesson I will have with me for the rest of my life. That is what sets me free.

To all of those that have been supporting me on this journey. To a friend of a friend who sent me $12 to buy a green juice (because I love my expensive green juices), to my buddy that spontaneously sent me $500 because he felt like I could use it (he was spot on there), to the people that showed me their true colors in my darkest hour, I am so grateful for every one of you. Thank you.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning. I am excited for what is to come, and I am so happy to create all (and only) of what my heart, my Soul, my gut, my Universe tells me to create.

With love,

Taylor

Thanks for reading! You can watch my new TEDx talk, ‘Reinventing Rock Bottom’ here.


Taylor Conroy’s first social enterprise, Change Heroes, funded and built 400 schools, libraries, water projects and more for 200,000 people in developing countries. He has lectured at Harvard, Princeton, Cornell and the United Nations on movement building and creating social change. He writes and speaks about being a millionaire, going bankrupt, building impact driven businesses and finding joy in all of life’s phases. You can more info on his site.

 

Image courtesy of lalesh aldarwish.

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It’s Not the Answer

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“He will always be a part of my story,” I said as we stared out over the city from our mountaintop perch. “He brought my entire world to a halt and completely altered the course of my life. And while I may be able to remember everything from a distance now, I will never forget any it.”

We were talking about the people and things we wish we could forget. The moments in time that would be easier to erase than carry with us. We all have them… the gut-wrenching memories, toxic relationships, or giant missteps and failures that linger in our heart and weigh heavy on our soul.

I don’t believe forgetting is the answer.
Because some things aren’t meant to be forgotten.

There are moments from my loss that have burned themselves into my brain. Memories I can drop into and relive as if they’re happening right now. A smattering of sights and sounds that no one ever needs to see, and certainly not things anyone should have to remember. But I remember them clearly, and I could paint you the most vivid, detailed image of those experiences.

Because they’re not meant to be forgotten.
They’re a part of my story, a piece of who I am.

These moments are meant to catalyze something inside us. To bring us deeper healing, purpose, connection, love, and truth. To show us who our people are, as well as what we’re truly made of.

These moments remind me that life is short and unpredictable and that we should always fight like hell for what we truly desire. That things are never as simple as they seem on the surface, and that we can never truly understand another person’s path. They taught me to trust myself and my intuition more deeply. And they forced me to learn how to receive support. More than anything though, they taught me what it truly means to be broken, how to rise up stronger than ever before, and that I can survive anything.

To forget these moments wouldn’t serve me.
It certainly wouldn’t serve you either.

Sometimes these moments are meant to make us think or change or learn a lesson, and sometimes they’re designed to break us. Because it’s only by breaking down completely—cracking clean in two—that we’re able to break open to more beauty, passion, and connection.

There’s wisdom in our wounds and purpose in our pain. @StephenieZ (Click to Tweet!)

And yeah, sometimes it’s not fun at all.

But those moments I will never forget? They’re the reason I stand here today happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. More grounded, more peaceful, more open, and more myself. I’ve never felt more free, on purpose, and in love with this beautiful disaster called life.

I don’t ever want to forget.
Not one single moment.

This journey shaped me in ways I will always be grateful for, it shook loose all the people and things that were no longer aligned, and it brought me home to myself, my truth, my calling.

Your journey will too.

But only if you promise to stay the course.
Not to bypass by trying to forget, numb out, or erase it all.


Stephenie Zamora is an author and life coach, business and marketing strategist, and founder of CallOfTheVoid.tv. Here she merges the worlds of personal development, energy healing, intuitive coaching, writing, and mixed media art to help individuals rise up and come back from the darkest, hardest chapters of life. She guides her clients through the challenging process of re-orienting to their lives, relationships, and work in a way that’s fully aligned with who they’ve become in the aftermath of loss, trauma, depression, and big life changes. After struggling with PTSD, grief, and anxiety from a sudden and traumatic loss, she navigated her own difficult healing journey and has set out to help others find the purpose of their own path using The Hero’s Journey as a framework. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or at www.CallOfTheVoid.tv.


Image Courtesy of Tom Ezzatkhah.

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Why Stuff Doesn’t Bring Happiness

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The Pattern of Wanting More

If your goal is to have more happiness in your life, you must look at the role of desire and attachment. Are you gripped by the idea of getting a bigger house, higher paying job, or perfect partner? Are you on an endless chase to acquire things or situations that you think will bring you bliss or relief? Have you noticed that once you gratify a desire, another usually pops up? Do your desires end up making you miserable? Have you made the connection yet that this is not the answer to lasting happiness?

Happiness Is Experienced When You Find a Higher Purpose

It is the experience of filling a karmic, higher purpose that allows us to let go of the obsessive pursuit of external things and circumstances. Suffering is when we repeat the pattern, without gaining clarity and perspective. Buddhism uses the word ‘tanha’ or ‘thirst’ for desires that crave and cling to expectation and attachment. A low desire (possessions, money, people, fame, etc) can become like an addiction where satisfaction will never come, unless more is provided – this is the pattern of the never-ending chain of suffering. A good or higher desire (better understanding, compassion or remembering your truth) us striving for improvement, whether it be in service to others or personal. Both are based in desire.

The Connection of Karma and Desire

Desires that don’t serve your higher purpose are not going to disappear from your life entirely. Desire is a natural part of being human. Wanting something is not “wrong” or unnatural. It’s how we recognize, explore, and process desire that contributes to its impact on your life. There are many belief systems and teachings that suggest desire is based on karma, something you are born with in this lifetime. The Hindus call it the garland of karma. You have a set of desires that were unfulfilled in a past life and because they were unfulfilled, you have come into this life again. If you have a driving desire to do something that will not harm others, you must fulfill it.  If not, the karmic wheel will continue to bring you back here until you have that experience. If you repress a driving desire, it will only pop up again and again. It is one of the pearls on your chain (garland).

Decoupling Self-Worth from Having More Stuff

One of the best things that we can do is to consciously detach from ‘things.’ Resisting desire is especially challenging since there is a global culture of consumerism that admires and celebrates wealth, even when it is destructive to the larger common good. Some people are literally killing themselves to acquire more and more. Greed has worked its way into our society, so much so that at times we don’t even recognize it for what it is. It’s difficult to know what we can do to help fight against this tide. It begins with how you look at and process desire in your own life. It is only then that you can begin to help change the world around you for the better.

What does ‘doing with less’ mean to you? Is your sense of self-worth and security tied to things? If you had to give up many of your possessions, how would you feel? No one is suggesting that we can go from having a lot to a monastic existence. Start small.

What can you let go of? Are you attached to the goals and objectives in your life, or are they aspirations that will truly fulfill you? What is your ego and what is your true self? Try to separate the two. During the course of your life, you are bound to lose a fair amount of what you have convinced yourself is necessary. You cannot control this. What you can control is your attachment to desire. Less baggage will make you lighter and it will be much easier to travel through your life. We all arrive here on this earth with nothing, and we leave it in the same state.

Writing exercises

List the things you feel you need in your life.

  • List the things you want. Go over each one and ask yourself how you believe it will change something you want to address. Think about the emotion behind the desire. Explore what you bring to the table in terms of your past that has shaped your desires.
  • If there were things you received which you desired in your life, that turned out much differently than you first expected, write them down and acknowledge them.
  • List what you feel are your higher desires. Then list the lower desires. What could you add to the first list? How can you begin to make changes to the second?

There is a pocket book series I have created called GET A GRIP that deals with topics such as happiness, desire, addiction, anxiety etc. I encourage you to explore the ones that resonate with you, so you can gain deeper insights and strategies that can help you overcome even the toughest challenges in your life.


Derek O’Neill, fondly referred to as the Celtic Sage, inspires and uplifts people from all walks of life, offering guidance to influential world leaders, businesses, celebrities, athletes and everyday people alike. Distilled from his life work in psychotherapy, a martial arts career and study with wise yogis and Indian and Tibetan masters, Derek translates ancient wisdom into modern day teachings to address the biggest challenges facing humanity today. For additional insights on decoding dreams listen to his free radio archives ordownload his book HAPPINESS – YOU MUST BE YOU EFFIN’ JOKIN’?.


Image courtesy of freestocks.org.

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How to Stop Obsessing

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Obsessing over something is the worst. When someone or something has pitched a tent and set up camp in your mind, it can be your own personal version of torture.

What we can we do to stop the seemingly endless cycle of obsessive thinking?

What does NOT work is continuing to talk about whatever you are obsessing about. You probably know insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. You are making yourself insane by continuing to give valuable airtime to the subject of your obsession (and possibly driving the people you keep talking to about it crazy too!)

In today’s vlog I share with you two out-of-the-box strategies that will help eliminate obsessive thinking so you can start talking about the things that light you up rather than bring you down!

 

I go into greater detail in the video but here is a snapshot:

Strategy one: Grab a few sheets of blank paper and set the intention to do what I like to call release writing. Bring whatever you are obsessing about to mind and just keep writing about it until you feel empty. This is not about writing legibly or reflecting, think of it like mind dumping. You know you’re done because your hand will hurt and you will be so sick of the story that there is nothing left to write. When you are done, rip it up or burn it as a symbol of letting it go.

Strategy two: Wear a rubber band around your wrist and whenever your mind goes to the subject of your obsessive thinking, give it a little snap. We do not like pain and when our unconscious mind starts to associate a certain thought with a little snap, it will be more likely to avoid it. Note: this is not about hurting yourself because truly a rubber band is not that painful. It is about getting your attention and supporting you in redirecting your thoughts. And often obsessive thinking gets so consuming that unconventional measures are required!

Just so you know, whoever or whatever it is you are obsessing about is not deserving of your precious mental energy.

Use these techniques and redirect your mind to what you can create, how you can serve and the things that inspire gratitude. You can overcome obsessive thinking!!

I am here to support you so head comment below and claim what you are no longer obsessing about in the comments section. Share what you are going to STOP thinking about so you can start thinking about something better!

Love,

Christine

PS. I have a new podcast where I coach people LIVE on the air. Head over to Over it and On With It and listen in for inspiration and action steps.


Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.


Image courtesy of startupstockphotos.

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A Visit to the Hospital Reminds Me of How Happy I Am to Be Healthy.

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Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree: gratitude is a key ingredient to a happy life.

Research shows that people who cultivate gratitude get a boost in happiness and optimism, feel more connected to other people, are better-liked and have more friends, and are more likely to help others. They even sleep better and have fewer headaches.

Nevertheless, I find it…challenging to cultivate a grateful frame of mind.

I find it all too easy to fail to appreciate all the things I feel grateful for—from pervasive, basic things like electricity and elevators, to  personal aspects of my life such as the fact that I get to collaborate with my sister on our podcast, to little passing joys, like a funny thing my dog did. I get preoccupied with petty grievances and minor annoyances and forget just how much happiness I already have.

One thing I forget to be grateful for? My health. For many of us, health — like money — contributes to happiness mostly in the negative; the lack of it brings much more unhappiness than possessing it brings happiness. It’s very easy to take money or health for granted — until it’s gone.

Yesterday my husband had surgery on his knee. Minor surgery, something many people have done, not risky, a very ordinary procedure, didn’t take long. But boy, the experience of setting foot in a hospital made me fervently, passionately, explosively grateful for my health.

Of course, I was also grateful for the good hospital, the insurance, the doctors and nurses, the relief from pain that my husband got, his uncomplicated recovery. So I was also very grateful for all that, too.

But most of all, I was reminded that I should never take good health for granted — my health, or anyone else’s. To be able to take a deep breath, to hear, to see, to walk, to eat, to be free from pain…it’s so precious.

Another positive consequence of gratitude? When we’re grateful, we tend to want to make sure that other people share in whatever we’re feeling grateful for. If I’m feeling grateful for the beauty of Central Park, it makes me think about how much I want other people also to be able to experience the beauty of a park.

Feeling grateful often spurs us to turn outward, to think about the situations of others.

The trip to the hospital reminded me of the importance of health — for me, and for everyone. It made me think about insurance, medical care, availability (and of course habits, just about everything makes me think about habits) and what steps I can take in my own life, to help others have these building blocks of good health.

In Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous story, “The Adventure of Silver Blaze,” (which includes the now well-known phrase “the curious incident of the dog in the night-time”) Sherlock Holmes perceived a clue in the fact that a dog didn’t bark. I find it hard to be grateful for the problems that aren’t there. Today is a day that I don’t make a visit to the hospital — a happy day.

I’m also reminded of a hilarious scene from one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride. I’ve watched this scene a hundred times, and it makes me laugh every time. “If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.” It’s a cliche because it’s true.

A good gratitude reminder.

Do you find it hard to remember to be grateful? Do you have any strategies to help prompt gratitude? People use gratitude journals, screen-saver reminders, photographs, and giving thanks before meals…what else?


Gretchen Rubin is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Happiness Project—an account of the year she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier—and the recently released Happier at Home and Better Than Before. On her popular blog, The Happiness Project, she reports on her daily adventures in the pursuit of happiness. For more doses of happiness and other happenings, follow Gretchen on Facebook and Twitter.

 


Image courtesy of freestockpro.com.

The post A Visit to the Hospital Reminds Me of How Happy I Am to Be Healthy. appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

3 Vital Ingredients to Living a Luminous Life

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In a culture that is steeped in “no pain no gain” – “fake it till you make it” – “effort before play” – “productivity over pleasure” – and “worldly success is the source of our happiness and worth”…, it’s easy to lose touch with our core self and the deepest, most authentic desires behind everything we do in the first place.

The end result is that we reach the end of our days feeling as though we’re missing out on our lives and utterly unhappy. There’s an emptiness that we can never seem to fill, no matter how much we do in the name of lasting happiness.

All the ways that we strive to feel better, get what we’re craving out of life, and be our best self ends up being done at the expense of our aliveness, joy, and soul-deep fulfillment.

It begs the question then, “How do we live in the modern world of achievement and goals without losing our connection to ourselves and our spirit?”

When you are fiercely devoted to being your best self and living a life that’s aligned with what matters most, it’s essential to have simple, practical strategies to navigate your days in a way that fuels – rather than stifles – your aliveness.

Vital Ingredient #1 – Design your daily practice

Have you ever gotten to the end of your day or week only to look back at what seems to be merely a blur that consisted of going through the motions and keeping up with a never-ending to-do list and the swirl daily responsibilities?

When we’re moving through our over-scheduled days at lightning speed, without taking the time to actually identify and connect with the experience we are truly after, the chances of experiencing it are slim to done.

That’s why taking time for YOU and committing to a ritual of aligning to your soul, being of service to your purpose, and gaining clarity around what you’re truly desiring out of life, while opening more fully to receiving it needs to become your daily vitamin.

While doing it first thing in the morning is a beautiful time to center-in and find alignment with your deepest Self, what’s most important is that you simply include it wherever it works well for you, knowing that you will receive all the benefits no matter what time of day fits your unique lifestyle.

What your daily practice looks like is yours to design, based on your creative inspiration, intuitive wisdom, needs, and desires.  A coach or mentor can be a powerful source of support to customize and refine your personal practice into one that not only nurtures – but also catalyzes – your expansion into more of who you know you are here to become.

Vital Ingredient #2 – Remember what feels good

 We’re wired to seek out what’s wrong. Our survival depended on it back in the days when any threat that could sneak up on us could cost us our life.

These days, this same strategy – what neuroscience refers to as the negativity bias – looks like an attitude and orientation that is heavily focused on:

  • What’s wrong?
  • What problems need to be fixed?
  • Where am not measuring up?
  • Where is my life deficient?
  • How am I or how is my life NOT enough? Not enough of…. you fill in the blank

Essentially…where am I at risk of being rejected, of not being loved, not fitting in, not being approved of or accepted?

Our minds are constantly scanning for faults and failures rather than the delights, goodness, and successes of life to celebrate.

So what’s the first step to stop chasing and start experiencing happiness?

It starts with simply beginning to notice and remember what’s going well and what feels good.  If this is not your usual M.O., it will probably feel like work as you begin exercising a muscle that’s become atrophied. In a sense, it has after a lifetime of being dominated and hijacked by the survival brain.

Initially, it will require deliberate intention and consistent dedication to crowd out the old habit and cultivate new neural pathways, until allowing yourself to feel good and savor life’s myriad pleasures eventually becomes a new baseline from which to choose and operate.

Vital Ingredient #3 – Develop a relationship with that which is underneath and beyond the transitory nature of the material world

It’s easy to forget, so I’m here to remind you…..

You are the creator of your experience – NOT the circumstances you find yourself in.  And the power you have to choose your attitude and perspective, which ultimately determines your experience, is sourced from that aspect of you which does not come and go and which does not fluctuate whenever the weather of life does.

Living your most luminous life requires nurturing and continually taking up residence again and again in that aspect of you that can never be taken away, lost, or diminished by the vicissitudes of the human experience.

This means turning down the volume on the external noise, so that you can turn up the volume on your inner world and the reservoir of wisdom, solace, and well-being that lives within you and needs space to come forward into your life.

If the structure of meditation doesn’t resonate with you, then what does?

What brings you home to you?

What feeds your soul?

What activities nourish and enliven you at the deepest level?

Maybe it’s sitting by the ocean or under a tree, or gazing at the clouds or night sky to remember the vastness of the universe in which we live, or simply inserting that occasional pause to gaze up from your screen to take a deep breath and savor the beauty before you.

It all comes back to being even just a little more intentional with how you architect your day so that you are able infuse your life with the joy, freedom, sacredness, and soul you crave.


Salona Carlisle is a self-realization coach, transformational guide, and embodiment facilitator, who guides women on the journey into radical self-love and back to their essential wholeness. She is passionate about supporting her clients onto the path of their soul’s most magnificent unfurling, so they can experience the fulfillment and freedom of being fully expressed as all of women they aspire to become. Through her body-centered approach, Salona empowers her clients to experience the meaning and purpose they crave by intentionally creating an authentic, inspired life of their choosing.

Image courtesy of Matheus Bertelli.

The post 3 Vital Ingredients to Living a Luminous Life appeared first on Positively Positive!!.

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