You have the job. You have the husband/wife. And you have the 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, and the retirement fund. Or whatever scenario you’ve been working towards for a long time. But now that you’re here or closer, are you really happy? Do the things and people you have in your life create the feelings you truly desire?
Many of my high-powered clients are overachievers and successful. From the outside, it looks like they have it all, but many struggle to feel internally happy. This is far more common than you may think and stems from a number of things.
If you feel this way too, you may blame yourself, thinking something must be “wrong” with you, wondering why you can’t just be happy. The empowering question here would actually be, “What is currently not making me happy and how can I change this?”
Another symptom of being secretly unhappy is having the “Disease to Please,” which essentially means that you are prioritizing the needs of others before yourself and doing many things out of a sense of obligation or fear of rejection. You think that you are being a good mother/father or husband/wife by putting everyone else first, but the truth is that by not taking care of yourself, by not filling up your bucket first, you end up in the land of bitterness. You become an angry martyr. And trust me people know you’re unhappy, they just don’t know why, so change is unlikely.
If this is starting to sound like your own behavior, don’t worry – it’s not terminal. Awareness is the first step.
Watch this week’s Real Love Revolution video, “Are You Secretly Unhappy?” for more insight into how to identify and change the root causes of your unhappiness. In this video, I cover:
- Symptoms of Being Secretly Unhappy
- How to Know if You Have the Disease to Please
- How to Set Goals Based on Your Desired Feelings
- Why It’s Essential to Prioritize Yourself
- Questions from “The Pleasure and Fear Blueprint”
Often when someone’s life looks great, but that person is unhappy inside, the juxtaposition is caused by their relationship to both fear and pleasure. Download the Fear and Pleasure Blueprint to uncover what you learned about having fun and about fear from your childhood, history, culture and background.
Having the awareness of what might be keeping you from enjoying your life more can put you on a path toward real happiness. @Terri_Cole (Click to Tweet!)
Click here to watch this Real Love Revolution video now!
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.
Image courtesy of Kyle Sudu.
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